I performed a home cleansing or blessing on Saturday, to the best of my ability. The apartment was not spit shined, but I cleaned all day Friday, on and off as I could, a bit in the bathrooms, the kitchen, the dining area, mopping with ammonia. I even washed the walls in the laundry room, a dark little room with a stackable washer and dryer, that has a creepy space behind the w/d that I can’t get to. C’est la vie! I cleared clutter, dusted, and vacuumed, upstairs and down.
My Offering and Helpers
I made an offering in a pink, for Divine Love, watercolor collage, with dried carnation petals and ash leaves (from my tree-friend, Sistine). I placed a picture of a painting of Jesus by a beautiful statue of Mary and Jesus, with a smaller statue of a woman holding a toddler with two young children standing on either side of her, representing me and my children. I taped a picture of my mom when she was young to our symbolic statue so that she would be included in the blessing.
I took holy books off the shelf, the Bible, Paramahansa Yogananda’s The Second Coming of Christ, ‘A Revelatory Commentary on the Original Teachings of Jesus,’
(Eastern wisdom on awakening Christ within) and Jamie Sams’ Sacred Path Cards (which is the book I’ve used the most. She writes of deep Native Indian spirituality, in which everything boils down to walking-our-talk on a road of Truth.) I haven’t read them fully and perhaps it was hypocritical of me to put them on the table, but to me they represent records of humankind’s attempts to know God/Love/Great Mystery and what that means for us.
I also placed on the table my Jesus candle, made with the same oils used in his time; the talking stick I recently made calling on Universal Christ and the Spirit Keepers of the North, East, South and West; my paper/pictures version of a Medicine Wheel; a clear globe with an archangel, thinking of Archangel Michael; a branch from Sistine, my ash tree friend (from a recent tree-trimming); a stone from a mountain in Sedona, AZ that helps to strengthen male energy in females, a gift to me; pictures of my three children as babies; a near-baseball-sized, mostly round stone that represents to me the strength of the Earth; and some gifts from family and friends that represent their love. I have a Catholic medallion upstairs depicting St. Benedict, who is a kick-ass banisher of evil and laid a piece of paper about him on the table. I used a smudge stick made of cedar and sage, which is cleansing and purifying, which I lighted to make the smoke that carries prayers from this realm to the holy realm. I added a bell to start and end the ceremony. I knew we had some sort of problem and had never performed a ritual like this, so I wanted to call on all the help I could.
I didn’t take my sleep meds Friday night and stayed up most of the night, ready to get up, shower, and at sunrise, 6:16 a.m., begin the ceremony in the quiet of early morn. I looked up 616 in Doreen Virtue’s Angel Numbers 101 and it says: “Look only at possibilities and not at material illusions. You are powerful and can overcome any situation with a positive mindset.” I added those words to my collage offering. I opened all the windows in the house so that anything that might have been inside could leave. I asked for my helpers to be with me, expressed my gratitude, lit the Jesus candle and the sage/cedar smudging stick so that I could waft the smoke throughout the house, stating our needs and sending our prayers to Father Sky (or Father Sun, as he is called by different traditions).
There were several problems, however. I made my offering, the collage, with love and then thought it was beautiful, and in so thinking, triggered my ego. I sat to breathe quietly and meditate at around 6:00, but my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest and I felt like some force was actively opposing me. Eventually, my heart slowed, but never to its normal rate. The cedar/sage smudge stick wouldn’t stay lit. I must have gone back six or seven times to relight it. Eventually, I carried the burning candle with me, holding the dried wood and herbs into the flame almost constantly so it would smoke, which you would think would set it on fire. Even this barely kept it going. This was discouraging, but I had smudged myself to bring the cleansing smoke into my heart and mind, and walked throughout the house in this awkward relighting process, saying my prayers and speaking our needs. I gave thanks when I was finished and apologized for my inability to humbly and properly perform the ceremony.
It really hit home afterward how unable I was to ‘walk my talk.’ I reflected on this for the whole day, in a strange space, some sort of limbo. How could the ceremony have worked with me so off balance? What did it mean that the smudge stick of dried herbs and wood wouldn’t stay lighted? I was not insincere in that I needed help; just unable to so show up in a humble, balanced, peaceful space. I left the cedar/sage stick out and thought I would walk it through the next morning again, in a better space, I hoped, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
But as the day passed, I noticed that our home felt better. Could that be? Was it the love of all the beings whose symbols/totems I had assembled at the table, in spite of me? Was our home healed because for the first time in my life I worked very hard to prepare for the ceremony? And I was given a sign. There is a man who lives in these apartments along with two other mentally disabled men, who live with a caretaker. This man loudly speaks to himself, is gangly in an unusual way, never looks me in the eye and always spits when he sees me.
I saw him walking on the other side of the pool and just did not want to be spit at, but I heard in my mind, “Too bad,” and Roxie pulled me in his direction. He walked toward us, excitedly gesturing and speaking to Roxie, then admonishing her not to jump on him, but he did not spit at me. First time in the almost 2-1/2 years we’ve lived here. Then, and I was totally blown away, he looked me in the eyes. His are green, small, hard-looking eyes, but he looked into mine, acknowledging me as a person, and then went on his way. Wow, I thought. Something really has shifted. Something really has shifted!
The more time that passed at home, the better the place felt. All of my helpers had come to my aid, even though I was unable to center myself beforehand. Angel number 616 said I was powerful and could overcome anything with a positive mindset. I was ego-centered instead and unbalanced by a strongly pounding heart that didn’t settle during the process. My hard work and intent apparently connected me to the divine and because of Love, they came through for me. I guess I won’t be taking up energy-cleansing as a profession, though. 🙂
Later that night, preparing some photo collages for my children, from babies to age 21, I was struck by the overwhelming sense of how blessed my life has been. I have always felt like a worm; I gave my will to people to be used however they wanted to do so; I often ignored the laws of the universe; I became chronically ill and have pouted about if for over 15 years, while stressing the whole time about how hard it is to live on disability benefits—and there I sat, awash in the blessings of my life, tears streaming down my face. I am loved and I do know, at last, what love is. It is all-encompassing and everything that happens is a gift of the soul. I could go now, cross over to the other side in peace, because of those few moments of insight. I was freed by it, able to see the bigger purpose of the conditions of my life and how blessed I truly am. I was touched by God, whatever His or Her holy name. What an offering to me! It has all been quite the experience.
Soon, I will post some notes I’ve made over the years about home blessings and protection. God bless us, every one, and touch us, please.