Valentine’s Day Expectations

This morning, Valentine’s Day, I dreamed of my sons’ father, who died in 1991 of an aneurysm just above where the brain connects to the spine. I dream of him once in a while—we’re definitely still connected. I still miss him, too. But I had to laugh—apparently some things never change. We were walking along a beach hand-in-hand and I said, “You know, if you could just spend an hour with me every day, I’d be happier.” And he said, as he typically did, “I know. I’m going to try.”

We females tend to have a lot of expectations around romance and Valentine’s Day. Yet we are often disappointed due to unrealistic hopes. (We never give up, though!) Our guys generally don’t think and feel at the same level we do. They tend to think, ‘Let’s get in and get the job done,’ while we’re thinking, ‘Could you just hold me for a while and tell me how much you love me?’

What’s likely true is that Valentine’s Day is now a day set aside to sell cards, chocolates and flowers and to boost business at local restaurants and hotels. But the deeper meaning is not about getting the romance we want on this one night—it’s about learning to listen, to give unconditional love every day. It’s not about expecting a night of perfect romance–it’s about giving what we’d like to receive and seeing what unfolds.

If you have a partner who happily comes home every night, who loves you (and your children if you have them), and whose company you enjoy, you are blessed. Remember that when you lay your head on the pillow tonight. And, if you don’t have a partner like this, it is within your power to change your life. Have a happy Valentine’s Day either way.

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4 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day Expectations

  1. What a lovely Valentine Gift!!! Like you, I have never been too interested in Valentine’s Day, but I have been blessed with a life partner who listens to me on a daily basis. That gift has sustained me through many difficult times….and kept me in the relationship through many difficult times…..Kim

    • Hi Kim, thanks for coming by. I’m sure you’ve reciprocated the gift of being there for your husband–you two are truly blessed to have found each other. Maybe you could write about how you guys have navigated the marriage, what you’ve learned. It would be a bestseller!

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