The Urge to Merge

Before we embark on a spiritual journey, it’s very easy to feel like we’re stuck, spinning out of control. There is a veil between us and the Light and if we never get to the point where we need answers, we’re distraught and feel abandoned. Why the veil? Good question; I think it has something to do with our free-will status. We choose to live in the separate state of being until we decide we want—we need—to merge. But, merge with what or whom?

I think of each of us as two beings, one personality-based, a Little Self; and one our Divine spark, a Higher Self. Our Little Selves desire, demand and spend their energy figuring out how to get what they want. Our Higher Selves see far beyond me-me-me and seek the embrace of the Divine, however we are nudged. We each have a pathway to the Light, specifically designed for us. That’s why non-acceptance of another’s life or spiritual path is Little Self behavior—how we return to the Light is between each of us and God (Love/Universe/Great Spirit/Goddess/ Allah.)

I suppose that Light-seeking doesn’t have to be a long, winding, difficult road, but it is for most of us. The more we quiet ourselves and the more we become our Higher Selves, the more our Little Selves are exposed. We then peel away yet another layer of the ‘onion,’ letting go as we can of whatever false desire we’ve uncovered. (I call them false because they lead us toward more gains, more acclaim—but also more pain and disappointment.)

And, as agonizing as spiritual seeking can be at times, if we don’t begin, we’ll never find our way Home. (No one can force us into the Light.) Sometimes the ‘cool’ factor gets to us and we spend a period of our life being ‘in’ and it’s fun for a while. At some point, though, this simply isn’t enough and we continue our diving expedition.

The most important life lesson I’ve learned along the way is about guilt and shame. I spent years with my head hung low and became ill with a chronic illness, holding  myself away from the Source of Love because I was so bad, I didn’t deserve to be Loved. This was the greatest trick of all that I played on myself. My Little Self was ‘large and in charge’ of this ploy and wow, was I determined to be unlovable. My illness eventually became a blessing as it forced me to slow down and face the truth: I am a child of the Creator of the Universe and I am LOVED. So are you. So are we all.

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