I turned around and saw fear, fear, on the woman’s face. Compassion kicked in; I smiled and said, “No problem. It’s really crowded in here.” She was only slightly relieved (maybe she thought I had a weapon in my purse?) and we began to talk. She mentioned that her kids had wanted to stop and she was angry because she had let them talk her into it. (Boy, do I remember that feeling.) A few minutes later it dawned on me to let her check out before me—she had a few items and I had a cart full. Just as she thanked me and moved in front of me, two running little girls joined her, then two boys. Four kids. I smiled to myself; she did have her hands full and I was glad I managed an act of kindness in the mood I was in.
The truth is, I’m far away from home, with both sons now living in other cities and my daughter is leaving for a thousand-mile+ road trip all by herself on the 29th. It’s a nightmare to me, but I can remember thinking, “What is wrong with my mother? I’m an adult!” when I did the very same types of things. Yes–what goes around, comes around.
Being out yesterday, I went back to bed this morning after taking my new little buddy, Roxie, for her first walk. She is the sweetest dog and always snuggles as close as she can when I fall asleep, but I haven’t felt as affectionate as I normally do with her, either. She’s wondering what’s wrong and I don’t fully understand it myself.
I was dreaming when my 13-year-old old Akita-mix, Max, who crossed over in May, suddenly came through a wall, looking like he did at four and five: confident, healthy, strong and happy. He jumped on me and knocked me into a chair and wiggled and wagged and hugged and loved me. I was so happy! I put my arms around him and didn’t want to let go but I woke up then. He’s not here anymore.
My visit from Max was my Christmas-Spirit gift this year. “I know your every hurt and every joy and I am always with you. It’s Me in that little bird who calls to you every day, the maple leaves you pick up and marvel at, the pine trees outside the window who watch over you. And it is Me who brings Love to you in your dreams. You are Loved. Be at peace.”
“Okay, Lord, if you say so. Thank you. I love you, too.” Merry Christmas, fellow family of wo/men, Happy All Holidays, and may God/Goddess/Universe/Great Mystery bless you in the coming New Year.