My Christmas-Spirit Gift

I dropped my daughter at the mall yesterday and had a hard time getting out of the parking lot. I didn’t handle it ‘in the Spirit of Christmas.’ I went grocery shopping at Walmart and my Christmas spirit shrank. (It didn’t seem like that many people could fit in the store at one time!) I was struggling with my Grinch-like, small, hard heart waiting in a record-setting long line when the cart behind me hit me.

I turned around and saw fear, fear, on the woman’s face. Compassion kicked in; I smiled and said, “No problem. It’s really crowded in here.” She was only slightly relieved (maybe she thought I had a weapon in my purse?) and we began to talk. She mentioned that her kids had wanted to stop and she was angry because she had let them talk her into it. (Boy, do I remember that feeling.) A few minutes later it dawned on me to let her check out before me—she had a few items and I had a cart full. Just as she thanked me and moved in front of me, two running little girls joined her, then two boys. Four kids. I smiled to myself; she did have her hands full and I was glad I managed an act of kindness in the mood I was in.

The truth is, I’m far away from home, with both sons now living in other cities and my daughter is leaving for a thousand-mile+ road trip all by herself on the 29th. It’s a nightmare to me, but I can remember thinking, “What is wrong with my mother? I’m an adult!” when I did the very same types of things. Yes–what goes around, comes around.

Being out yesterday, I went back to bed this morning after taking my new little buddy, Roxie, for her first walk. She is the sweetest dog and always snuggles as close as she can when I fall asleep, but I haven’t felt as affectionate as I normally do with her, either. She’s wondering what’s wrong and I don’t fully understand it myself.

I was dreaming when my 13-year-old old Akita-mix, Max, who crossed over in May, suddenly came through a wall, looking like he did at four and five: confident, healthy, strong and happy. He jumped on me and knocked me into a chair and wiggled and wagged and hugged and loved me. I was so happy! I put my arms around him and didn’t want to let go but I woke up then. He’s not here anymore.

My visit from Max was my Christmas-Spirit gift this year. “I know your every hurt and every joy and I am always with you. It’s Me in that little bird who calls to you every day, the maple leaves you pick up and marvel at, the pine trees outside the window who watch over you. And it is Me who brings Love to you in your dreams. You are Loved. Be at peace.”

“Okay, Lord, if you say so. Thank you. I love you, too.” Merry Christmas, fellow family of wo/men, Happy All Holidays, and may God/Goddess/Universe/Great Mystery bless you in the coming New Year.


6 thoughts on “My Christmas-Spirit Gift

  1. Hello Pam:

    Our past animal and human friends often come & visit us in our dreams. That was a pleasant dreamland Christmas Gift.

    Merry Christmas and wishing you a lovely and happier New Year 2012.

    Warmest wishes,

    • Hi Mike–yes, I do visit with those who have crossed over once in a while and I was very happy to see Max. I thought I sensed him here a few times, especially after I moved in. Isn’t love the most wonderful thing? My best wishes to you and yours. Pam

  2. This time of year can be stressful and the fact that you add to that your being in a new city, your children being elsewhere and the recent loss of your beloved Max, I think it is understandable your struggling with the Christmas spirit.
    Good for you for working on releasing your negative energy and for having help from Max.
    Love, Janice

  3. Dear Pam…this can be really hard time of the year for many of us, particularly in our mobile society that can put great distances between us and those we love. Yesterday was the winter solstice; the longest night of the year, something that we are more aware of up here in the north. Today, the days will start to get longer and the sun will return once more to our hearts and the sky. One of the highlights of my year has been connecting with you through our blogs. Be well….with love….Kim

    • Kim, thank you for your message and kind wishes. I’m so grateful for having met you, too, for you are a rare, sensitive spirit who cares so much about other people and her world. You are an inspiration to me and I wish for you many wonderful blessings in 2012! Who knows what Spirit will bring to us? 🙂
      And don’t freeze up there!
      With love,

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