I was in a dream this morning and didn’t want to wake up. I got a job! In a big company, where I thought there would be lots of work for me. I was so happy. I went from person to person, asking, “Any work for me? Any work for me? Anything–I’ll even do filing.” No one spoke. All they did was look at me like I was an alien from another dimension—in other words, I didn’t belong there.
We are born with two selves, one that wants what it wants and calculates how to get it. This self fights letting go of personal desires, such as being a part of the world. The other, the watcher from within, whispers, “Take the higher road. Become one with Love, the essence of the universe. This is your job. Trust. I’ve got this.”
Only when we’re worn out by our futile desire-motivations do we consider submitting wholly, at last, to the highest road. “I give my life and my will to Love,” we say. After another adventurous period of time, we discover that we had held back some part of ourselves—the thing we most want, whatever it is—and struggle, again, with letting go.
To drive home this point, playing inside my head was the song The Day the Music Died, by Don McLean:
I started singing, bye bye Miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levy was dry
Them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing…
This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues, and I asked her for some happy news
She just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store where I’d heard the music years before, but…
The man there said the music wouldn’t play
And, in the streets the children screamed, the lover’s cried, and the poets dreamed
Not a word was spoken—the church bells all were broken
And, the three men I admire most: the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost, they…
Caught the last train for the coast the day the music died
The music must represent Universal Love and all that is good. I guess Don McLean is saying, without the music (Love), there’s nothing left of any value. We never know when we start peeling away the layers of our inner onions what we will find.
I consoled myself, knowing that this is the cycle of life, learning to let go of our lower selves so our higher selves can take over. Take over?! That’s what I thought, a hundred times. I still don’t get that Love gives. Love fills us. Love doesn’t take. Love heals us and our lives, the lives of others through us, our relationships—even our planet—but only when we surrender, making space for the beauty of Love. We have free will and can live in the world however we want, but all we have to do is look in a mirror or out a window to see the results of humanity’s desires.
This cycle is a process. I will. I won’t. I let go. I take back. The most important lesson of my life is joining my dark feelings and desires with loving acceptance and the understanding that on Mother Earth, we humans learn mostly by our stumbles.