I want to share a ‘correcting’ experience I’ve just had with an online buddy, Michael Brine, whom I very much respect and appreciate, for not everyone has the courage to say what needs to be said when it might hurt another person. I hope you’ll take the time to read our friendship exchanges, because we both had to find some courage to allow this to happen. Below are from comments and emails that happened after my 3.19.10 post:
3.19.10 FROM: Michael Brine
Pam – I am not quite sure why you feel you have to do this EVERY day. In doing so you run the potential of losing your audience – especially in this day and age when we all get so much on the Internet. When I see one every day I tend to say to myself “Oh another one – when I get time.” I don’t think that’s what you want to hear – right? If I may suggest – share when the feeling to do so is truly there. Then – as with my articles – I only write when I feel there is something of value to share. My Editor accepts that – and it works.
So, is this truly “God’s gift to you” or is there also a neediness for you to feed yourself with the feeling to be doing something “worthwhile” – and perhaps just a slight bit of ego? Only you can truly discern one or the other – or both.
Don’t publish this – this is just between us. It may be a bit hurtful – but I feel you are a dedicated person and doing what you feel is helpful for others and also gives you some meaningful way to express your dedication to Truth and the Light. This gives you purpose – and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just look at it closely and if what I have written does not ring true with you – then so be it – I am wrong. I can accept that.
In essence what I guess I am trying to say without wanting to be too brutal – is, I feel a sense of “neediness” and being useful in a world that is going to hell and wanting to make a difference. Get rid of the ‘neediness’ and it will manifest for you, of that I am absolutely sure.
Blessings and love, Michael, email@example.com
3.19.10 FROM: Pam
Wow, Michael, thank you for telling me what you really think. Not many people are willing to do so. I decided to publish your comment because it is a part of whatever this journey is and it’s important feedback. I have always been a needy person and I suppose that is also reflected in the blog writing. Though I hadn’t thought about it until now, how could it not be? Yes, I do want to make a positive difference in the world and I want to share about Love; and I’ve definitely had some bouts with my ego, some of which I’ve written about here. Who knows if I will ever be not-needy or ego-tamed?
The most interesting part of your comment to me is that daily posting is simply too much to be reading. I also wish I had time to read my friends’ blogs daily but I don’t, and I know nobody reads my posts every day. What I’ve also come to feel is that today’s date is fresh and more interesting; when I click on links with old dates, I don’t search through those blogs because it feels like the writer is gone.
I will meditate on your points, though. I don’t have something inspiring to say every day–sometimes it’s just me reacting to the news. There is my feeling that I made a promise to God to be here at the computer every day for a year and I’ll have to see how the idea of not keeping my promise settles in. You’re not the first person to say this to me, so I do need to think about it.
Thank you, again, for your honesty and caring.
3.20.10 FROM: Michael Brine email
This is strange. I woke up a short time ago, [7:30am pst], feeling strangely at peace within myself and the anger and frustration I have been feeling over the last 24 hours has left me. I now feel at peace but am uncomfortably aware – very – at what I have expressed, over the past 24 hours to some of you, relating to issues that have and are sensitive ones. It seemed as if I was being controlled by an energy beyond my control. I watched with some discomfort and amazement, as if outside my physical body, as I wrote these critiques to each of you, but couldn’t stop myself. Something seemed to be controlling me and I felt powerless to stop! I assure you this is not being made up. I seemed to be very much ‘forced’ to express what I did. That is all I can say by way of explanation.
This has never happened to me before and all I can do is ask for your forgiveness at my insensitivity ! Whee – weird! Maybe it has something to do with this “CME bomb during Solar Cycle 24” currently happening! I really don’t know. Some of you are aware of a strong disagreement I have recently been having with an individual in our community who has been ‘attacking’ me for my beliefs. The frustration over this may have had something to do with it. I just don’t know. Anyway, Love to you and hope you will accept my explanation as I don’t know how else to say it. This has been weird!
My usual “PS” – I cannot in all honesty disclaim what I said, only that I might not have been so undiplomatic as I seem to have been with these exchanges! In a way, pretty heavy handed judgments on my part and for that I do apologise. 🙂 M.
3.20.10 FROM: Pam email
I woke up this morning with some insight and it is posted as a comment, to your comment. Thank you for allowing this correcting spirit to speak through you. I hope you will go read it.
3.20.10 FROM: Pam
Hi Michael, I did meditate and sleep on what you said and you are right, I was steering toward a standard superior/judgmental position, which is exactly what God doesn’t want us to do. The daily posting, though, is very interesting: Because of the frequency, it’s a journey that reflects who the writer is and who he/she is becoming. Maybe it’s more for me than anyone else. Thank you so much for correcting me; I need a wise friend and mentor who will be there for me and provide this insight.:)
Also, it came to me that it’s not neediness as much as it is self-pity. My mom read my posts (in a binder) and was very upset because I had written about my childhood, and also said as far as she is concerned, I’m throwing myself a pity-party. Hah! I think we’re onto something here.
Thanks again for being there for me.
3.20.10 FROM: Michael
Bless your heart – and I truly mean that. It wasn’t an easy thing for me to send to you yesterday and you’ve handled it extremely well – especially by publishing it. We are all in this world together, especially at this unique time – and when we stumble a little and can pocket our pride this says a great deal about us – you in this case, kiddo! Neat!
As a spiritual being once said in my hearing “There is no such thing as a mistake – Only unrealised wisdom.” Love, Michael.