I was meditating about what to write when I heard in my mind, ‘The searing, heart-wrenching pain of loss.’ These are the worst losses I can think of:
-Deaths and the destruction that occur during war
-Having to kill people in war and the holes in the soul this duty leaves
-Killing someone else, such as in drunk driving
-Death of a child; miscarriage
-Death of any other beloved person, especially unexpected, sudden death
-Loss of our health
-Serious illness of a loved one; becoming a caregiver
-Loss of capabilities and the ability to work and to have an income
-Loss of work, home, stability (becoming homeless)
-Loss of friendship
-Loss of a pet
-Loss of a cherished dream
-Divorce, Relationship Breakup (including loss of boy/girlfriends when young)
-Destruction of home and life-treasures (such as photos, baby books, etc) due to fire or natural-event
-Loss of feeling safe after a trauma
-Being a victim of child abuse and the accompanying loss of self-worth
-Lack of education and opportunity and the loss of fulfilling living
It’s impossible to put these losses in any kind of order and I know there are more. These are what I could think of now.
Where to begin? The shock? The anger at God? The fear of being punished by God for having angry thoughts? The anger at the world, the government, an employer, family members, a landlord, whomever? The fear that another huge loss is just around the corner? That was a big one for me, like somehow I had gotten into a ‘tragedy groove’ and that my heart would break into pieces if one more grief-worthy thing happened.
Only later did I begin to understand the law of cause and effect; in others words, the things happening to me in my now were because of decisions I had made earlier. Making decisions when I was lonely or afraid has never served me well, and that may be how we humans fall into the ‘tragedy groove.’ We’re not seeing the big picture, or clearly, and we move away from basing our decisions on our/the highest good, choosing instead to follow our desires.
At least, that’s what happened to me. Whatever I believed, on a very deep level, that I was lacking is what I hunted down. To some degree, there is a part of us all that’s like this. We have something to prove to ourselves or others, or we try to fill some emptiness within by going after what we lack, or what we believe we lack. In truth, this hunting is the best we can do on our own.
There is no lack when we trust in God, the Higher Power, Jesus Christ, Divine Mother–by whatever name we call our creator. In that trust-groove, we are fulfilled simply by life itself, by the sense of knowing there are no mistakes and that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. If it feels like a hardship, we are given the courage and strength to cope with whatever is happening, and our empty spaces are filled by what we give of ourselves. Having no empty spaces means no hunting for the person or stuff that can’t do the job anyway.
Grieving is a process. It takes time to heal and, even though we believe we can never heal, we do. If I have anything of value to say on this subject, it is that God knows us intimately and there is no grief or rage or fear that God doesn’t understand. God knows how much we hurt when we experience a significant loss. We can throw stuff around for a while, or we can turn to Him right away. Either way, God is always with us, ever present, in good times and in bad, hand extended for us to climb aboard so that He may place us into His heart, which is our natural home.