I envy the people in the Bible stories who ‘trust in the Lord,’ and even my friends who regularly attend church, who seem to struggle far less with their shadow-selves than I do. I have had periods where my trust seemed strong, but these are always followed by some disappointment in myself. I’m like a large onion, constantly faced with yet another layer of some kind of ego-attachment. Sometimes the layers are more refined versions of an earlier one I thought I had already ‘peeled away;’ sometimes I am bowled over by something in myself I couldn’t, and don’t want to now, see. But this is my growth process—the one I chose—so I ride the wild mustang of me, getting tossed about, bones rattling, every so often getting dumped on my head.
Trust in the Lord. What does that mean? It means finding the place in the center of our beings from where we know everything is in God’s hands. We know God is writing His/Her Great Cosmic Story and as the author, He/She sees the overall picture, the past, present and future at the same time. Trust is accepting this philosophy as truth, even when bad things happen, like the loss of loved ones, or losing our homes or jobs. Of course, that’s when we need God’s steadying hand the most, and are most likely to pray, then yell, and pray, then yell. Needing to be held always pulls us closer, even if we struggle along the way.
There are those blessed moments when we find peace in the Lord and the trust is absolute. I’m vigilant about sensing when I’m not at peace, but not so vigilant at doing something about it, like letting go of whatever is bugging me. (I know, that doesn’t make any sense.) The problem could be something between me and another person, even me and God. But this is my growth process—we each have our own path, after all.
The important thing is to know that while struggle is a part of being human, no-struggle is also a part of being human. No-struggle is where we trust that God, no matter the situation, has us covered. Peace of mind and heart, that’s what trusting in the Lord is.