How I Handle Guilt Now

You know how your conscience is your guide? It is a quiet presence that whispers to us or gives little nudges–but it is not snide remarks or guilt trips and definitely does not shout. No infringement whatsoever on the free-will process. The way to hear this gentle voice is to get quiet for a time, but this can be one scary process. Lord only knows what will come up, and the nudges may be nudging in the direction we don’t want to go. When this type of resistance comes up, pay attention, because you are approaching your life-lessons zone. (Drum roll, please.)

In my case, it became clear over the years that I was desperately seeking a husband and children. I am blessed with three wonderful children in spite of all the confusion created by the blinders I put up, but they had only me, which, of course, means they did not have a father present. I know that lots of kids don’t have a father-figure, but I think it is a pretty big loss for them, causing empty spaces they may seek to fill their entire lives–a part of their life-lessons, I suppose. We all come to Earth to grow, even our beloved children, who we would give our lives for if it would spare them pain. But it doesn’t work that way–they are made of best and the worst of their parents, just as we are, and they will experience love and loss the same as we have.

When we acknowledge that we veered away from the direction pointed out to us by our Higher Selves, we may feel a tremendous sense of guilt. A little time to understand what drives us is good, but let the guilt go right away. Guilt is not from God and only serves to make us feel even more separate from God. If we really do ‘guilt’ well, we attract things to ourselves we don’t really want. A man once beat me up near the reference desk at the library; a homeless man kicked open the door to a small diner, pointed to me and shouted that he was the Bishop and I was going to hell. At Mass one Sunday, a black cat strolled down the aisle toward the altar (causing quite a stir) and when men tried to corral him, he ran and stopped on my lap. I felt like everyone was staring at me.

“What!” I thought. “I like animals!”

Then, of course, came the breaking of my body. I went from 45 to 65 in one day. Overnight aging is not pretty. I did not realize back then the extent to which our dark, guilty thoughts affect our bodies; well, they affect everything, our mental health, our souls, our relationships with others, everything. But I do know now and I strive to see my ‘downer’ thoughts as soon as I have them. I say different things to them like, “Back off, buster!” and “Erase, erase, erase.” Then I affirm the opposite, changing the thought, “I screwed up so badly,” to “I did the best I could and I am doing well now.” I run toward Love now, not away.

Why not join me? You are an important piece of the Cosmic puzzle and your life is very, very valuable.

Related Post: Spirit Teacher on the Matter of Guilt

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7 thoughts on “How I Handle Guilt Now

  1. Wow, Pam. That guilt thing is big. I was raised Catholic, in Austria, and you’d think I invented the guilt trip. And now I, too, am making a great effort not to fall into that ‘guilt’ pit. Like self-pity, it serves no purpose. Methinks that feeling remorse, asking for forgivemness and getting over it is the way to go. Guilt gives you such an awful feeling which, as you correctly stated, affects everything in your life. I still love to travel, but I refuse to take any more guilt trips.

    • Yes, I think some of us are born Catholic–born with guilt, I mean, 😉 even before we get our lives started. But it actually separates us from God, so we gotta let it go. No ifs, ands or buts! I love Sharie’s writing about this ( Just reading her words causes a letting go. I love you and thanks for your good thoughts. KOKO.

  2. Beautiful expression of a powerful experience. I’m so glad of your understanding of the uselessness of guilt. And grateful that you are teaching this to others. Guilt is one of the most debilitating emotions in existance and one that keeps us in a state of unhappiness and fear. And it’s not just reserved for Catholics. We all suffer from this dis-ease. But now with looking at it and understanding that it is nothing we want or need, we can at last be free. Love you, Dear. Sharie

    • Thank YOU, Sharie, for you’re helping me to close the self-made gulf between God and me because of my guilt. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love you, too. Pam

  3. Pragmatically, I never could see the point in wallowing in guilt. Once you decide what you did wrong, be sorry and try to change. Anything else is a waste of energy!

    To Anita — Woraus in Oesterreich kommst Du her? Ich bin oft in Deutschland und Oesterreich, ich finde Oesterreich vielleicht das schoenste Land der Welt (Italien ist auch super). Oh geez, that’s rude, to use a foreign language — I’m just asking Anita where in Austria she’s from — I’ve been there a lot, and love it. The Austrian accent is really cool. I hope to go with students to a travel course in Austria and Germany next May. OK, this comment is more about Austria than it is about guilt…

    • Yes, guilt is banished from this place! Let’s figure out what works. Remorse, ask for forgiveness, pray for peace and heal?
      I’ve only seen pictures of Austria, but it looks like it’s the most beautiful place in the world. And my old friend Anita is a kick in the pants–a March baby like you, Scott. I hope she reads these comments. I guess if I see some more German, I’ll know she does.
      Have a good weekend.

    • Dear Scott,
      Ich bin aus Judenburg, Steiermark. I, too, think Austria is beautiful, but only travel the West Coast & Hawaii any more. My husband is from Hawaii so now you have a man from the tropics and a woman from the Alps living in the desert. Hope you get to go to Austria & Germany next May – say hello for me. Oesterreich ist marchenhaft, nicht wahr?

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