You know how your conscience is your guide? It is a quiet presence that whispers to us or gives little nudges–but it is not snide remarks or guilt trips and definitely does not shout. No infringement whatsoever on the free-will process. The way to hear this gentle voice is to get quiet for a time, but this can be one scary process. Lord only knows what will come up, and the nudges may be nudging in the direction we don’t want to go. When this type of resistance comes up, pay attention, because you are approaching your life-lessons zone. (Drum roll, please.)
In my case, it became clear over the years that I was desperately seeking a husband and children. I am blessed with three wonderful children in spite of all the confusion created by the blinders I put up, but they had only me, which, of course, means they did not have a father present. I know that lots of kids don’t have a father-figure, but I think it is a pretty big loss for them, causing empty spaces they may seek to fill their entire lives–a part of their life-lessons, I suppose. We all come to Earth to grow, even our beloved children, who we would give our lives for if it would spare them pain. But it doesn’t work that way–they are made of best and the worst of their parents, just as we are, and they will experience love and loss the same as we have.
When we acknowledge that we veered away from the direction pointed out to us by our Higher Selves, we may feel a tremendous sense of guilt. A little time to understand what drives us is good, but let the guilt go right away. Guilt is not from God and only serves to make us feel even more separate from God. If we really do ‘guilt’ well, we attract things to ourselves we don’t really want. A man once beat me up near the reference desk at the library; a homeless man kicked open the door to a small diner, pointed to me and shouted that he was the Bishop and I was going to hell. At Mass one Sunday, a black cat strolled down the aisle toward the altar (causing quite a stir) and when men tried to corral him, he ran and stopped on my lap. I felt like everyone was staring at me.
“What!” I thought. “I like animals!”
Then, of course, came the breaking of my body. I went from 45 to 65 in one day. Overnight aging is not pretty. I did not realize back then the extent to which our dark, guilty thoughts affect our bodies; well, they affect everything, our mental health, our souls, our relationships with others, everything. But I do know now and I strive to see my ‘downer’ thoughts as soon as I have them. I say different things to them like, “Back off, buster!” and “Erase, erase, erase.” Then I affirm the opposite, changing the thought, “I screwed up so badly,” to “I did the best I could and I am doing well now.” I run toward Love now, not away.
Why not join me? You are an important piece of the Cosmic puzzle and your life is very, very valuable.
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